Post by Sherry on Aug 8, 2003 23:00:25 GMT -5
I wish I could post this anonymously LOL. My mother gave it to me and everybody she's shown it to laughed.
Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them, but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “She is such a sweet and gentle girl, she would never go for this kind of carrying on.”. So, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way, he passed a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than he could stand. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that he would work off any ill effects by the time he reached home. So, he stopped at the diner. Before he knew it, he had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted , and upon arriving he felt reasonably sure he could control his gas.
His wife seemed somewhat agitated and excited to see him and exclaimed delighted, “Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight”. She then blindfolded him and led him to the dining room where she seated him. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned . She then went to answer the phone. The baked beans he had consumed were still affecting him and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable. So, while his wife was out of the room, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. He took his napkin and fanned the air vigorously around him. Shifting to the other cheek, he ripped off three more good ones which reminded him of cabbage cooking. Keeping his ear tuned to the conversation in the other room, he went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of his freedom, he fanned the air a few more times with his napkin, placed it in his lap, folded his hands and smiled with a sigh of relief.
He was the picture of innocence when his wife returned. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked him if he peeked, which he assured her that he had not. At that moment, she removed the blindfold; and was he surprised. There were twelve dinner guests around the table to wish him a “Happy Birthday”.
The Bean Lover
Once upon a time there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them, but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, “She is such a sweet and gentle girl, she would never go for this kind of carrying on.”. So, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way, he passed a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than he could stand. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that he would work off any ill effects by the time he reached home. So, he stopped at the diner. Before he knew it, he had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted , and upon arriving he felt reasonably sure he could control his gas.
His wife seemed somewhat agitated and excited to see him and exclaimed delighted, “Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight”. She then blindfolded him and led him to the dining room where she seated him. Just as she was about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned . She then went to answer the phone. The baked beans he had consumed were still affecting him and the pressure was becoming almost unbearable. So, while his wife was out of the room, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. He took his napkin and fanned the air vigorously around him. Shifting to the other cheek, he ripped off three more good ones which reminded him of cabbage cooking. Keeping his ear tuned to the conversation in the other room, he went on like this for another ten minutes. When the phone farewells signaled the end of his freedom, he fanned the air a few more times with his napkin, placed it in his lap, folded his hands and smiled with a sigh of relief.
He was the picture of innocence when his wife returned. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked him if he peeked, which he assured her that he had not. At that moment, she removed the blindfold; and was he surprised. There were twelve dinner guests around the table to wish him a “Happy Birthday”.